It's been a little over 4 years.

56 days til my birthday.
can't wait.
don't know what i'm doing yet, though...

I actually got a lot done around the house yesterday, apart from the usual cleaning. I found things I didn't want to find. I cleaned out all the bottom cabinets, and a few things were in there that I remember seeing at one point in my life but that's about it. The thing is, I haven't really wanted to clean places like the spare bedrooms, because I just don't know what to do with the stuff. These kitchen cabinets were a little easier though because, well, there weren't really "memorabilia" things in it. But I did find two Softball National Champs patches, and a couple of other things in a box.

When it comes to cleaning places that hold items that aren't mine, I just... don't know. I don't want to throw them away, because they're my mom's, and I want every connection with her possible. I know I SHOULD throw them away, because I don't need them, won't use them, etc, but it's still hard. Sometimes I can make myself do it, but other times I begin to clean, then stop and put things right back where they were and give up.

I'm sick of it, though. I'm sick of never having enough strength to do things. It's not that I can't do it, I just... won't. Sometimes I feel like I'm falling to pieces, even as much as try to act like I'm not.

But y'know, that's how it is spiritually too. We find things that mean something to us and won't give them up. [I'm not speaking of good things anymore], but bad ones. We like keeping those things because we desire them, need them. But the truth is, we don't. They're ruining our lives. Killing us inside and out. Characteristics, physical items, morals...

Do you think God wants us to keep unGodly things in our life?

"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8

I know I'm not always a good Christian, but that doesn't mean God doesn't care about me, and that I can't fix my life, no matter how far I've gotten.

Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. - 1 John 5:5

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